22

May

A Different Type of Transformation

A Different Type of Transformation

I want to take a second and brag on myself for a second.

I have always tried to be open about my past with depression and suicidal thoughts, because being open about my story might help someone.  So heres the next part of the story I never knew would happen.

I battled with depression since I was in sixth grade, I began experiencing suicidal thoughts my freshman year of high school.  I got so good at faking a smile, I started to believe it myself.  That’s the scary part.  Becoming so detached from happiness, you cannot even realize it.

Last summer was no stroll through the park.  I had happy moments, but I still had my dark moments.  Moments my mind only saw things negatively.

But now, a year later.  I am happier than I ever believed I would be.  I do not fake a smile anymore.  I constantly laugh.  I smile at myself in the mirror, because I am learning to love who is looking back at me.  I do not recognize my past self.  And I am learning the lessons in being positive.  There will always be two ways to look at something.  It is up to you to choose if you want to live positively, or negatively.

Now trust me, I am the number one person to believe when you are suffering from depression you cannot be told to just think happy.  It doesn’t work that way.  It will not change suddenly.  It starts small.  With thinking of one thing each day that you are blessed for/grateful for/or something good that happened.  But last year, I would have told anyone I will always suffer with depression.  And today I type this knowing I am not that person.  I will always have my hardships but I am better than ever.

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